Britney Spears

She’s Back…..Britney Returns, and it isn’t a Comeback

Britney Returns…

Britney Spears is about to hit us again with the video for her new single “Hold it Against Me”.   In only 10 short days, the video will be released with plenty of hype!  As Britney sets out to release her latest album “Femme Fatal”  the media is calling her most recent effort a “comeback”.  Its not the first time, nor is she the only celebrity to earn this absolutely ridiculous tag.  However, Britney is an excellent case in point.  The woman toured, promoting her “Circus” album for almost all of 2009.  At the end of the tour she released “3”.  Then she took a little break.  Its what being a pop star is all about.  Work your ass off for easily two years and then take a rest.  Its work.  Its a job.  Even when we don’t actually see Britney – she is working.  Recording a new album and getting ready for the media blitz.  She hasn’t had a new album in one year.  One year!  She did however, have a single during that time.  Yet, the media call her most recent efforts a “comeback”.  WTF?

Now, I admit that in the early days of Britney, when she was all of 17 years old and childless, her people were pumping out Britney albums as quickly as they could make them.  Britney had about four albums in five years.  I am sure that they are doing the same thing with The Biebs.  He’s hot, he’s now and he is making a whole lot of people a whole lot of money.  It seems that it has changed our expectations in terms of what a musical star is supposed to produce.   They have to be in sight at all times.  Complete and constant over-saturation of every form of media and communications.  Its crazy.

Britney is back after what must have been a very short break (given that she has a video and album about to drop).  It isn’t a comeback –  because she really didn’t go anywhere.  She is simply offering up her latest creation to the world.  And I personally can’t wait for my girl crush to get out there and entertain us yet again.

Cause Its Britney Bitch!: Why Glee NEEDS A Britney Spears Episode.

Why does Glee need a Britney episode?  Well the answer to that is actually quite simple:  She is an icon.  While she hasn’t been around as long as Madonna, she is indeed an icon in her own right which has been well recognized by the material girl herself.  She and Britney have shared the stage a few times, did a song together and in a truly iconic moment in pop culture – shared  “the kiss”.Besides the fact that she deserves it,  Britney has some awesome songs to choose from that would fit well into Glee world:

1.  Picture the Cheerios doing “Crazy”….It would be awesome!

2.  Picture Rachel singing “Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman” or “Overprotected” at which point we could meet her gay dads!

3.  Imagine Quinn doing a rendition of “Womanizer” for her baby daddy Puck.

4.  Now picture the female Glee cast performing “Boys” in the school halls.

5.  Sue Sylvester needs to get in there too….She is just too awesome to leave out and has to play a part in the Britney episode…I can see her readily adapting “Gimmie More”…..Its Sue Sylvester Bitch!

6.  I can see Finn singing “…Baby One More Time” to his crush Rachel.

7.  I have to admit that I would love to see Rachel singing “Slave” to her new man and prancing around with a huge snake.

Lets face it, the possibilities are endless.  Endless!  Glee should be required to have a Britney week because it will be so very entertaining and just plain fun! I think Emma, the uptight guidance counselor, should accidentally do a crotch flash…

I Heart A Britney Spears Glee Episode!

Got Britney Episode ideas – Tell me about them….

Shock and Awe: Britney Spears Looks Good (for Britney Spears)!

My God I think that pigs are flying and that hell has indeed frozen over!  Britney Spears stepped out yesterday looking good!  Well looking good for Britney Spears anyway.  She ditched some of her more heinous footwear for a chic pair of boots and even wore a bra!  She matches and her hair is done.  What the hell could possibly be going on?!  However being true to herself, she had to throw down some tacky action with a lace neck piece thing.  Hey, it just wouldn’t be Britney without it.  Regardless, compared to her usual fashion choices, this is a huge step up.  I heart Britney looking good!

I Heart Real Women: Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson & Kim Kardashian

We might be experiencing a new celebrity trend folks: Celebrities Au Natural.  Shock and awe!  No retouching from their photoshop friends and no makeup.  In a little over a week we have seen Jessica Simpson do the cover of Marie Claire without a lick of makeup:

Shortly there after we saw Ms. Britney Spears release her pre-photo shopped shots from her Candies adds to show what real women actually look like (and her ‘real’ bod would make any woman happy!)

And of course there is the most recent celeb to take it all off with no retouching: Kim Kardashian.  Theses are all exceptionally beautiful women.  But none the less it is nice to know that they have flaws.  While we have all known that celebrity photos are retouched, it is something to see these women in their natural glory.  One begins to wonder if she is the only woman with cellulite on the back of her thighs….and it turns out Britney has it too!  While I don’t revel in other women’s physical flaws, I do somehow take comfort in it.  It is time that real women get to see real celebrity women.  No kidding women have such a flawed body image with all the fake body perfection we are bombarded with every day.  Will it become a thing of the past with this very cool trend?  I say ladies, I heart your flaws!  I heart real women!

Candie’s Hearts Britney.

Oh I bet that Candies hearts Britney Spears.  The ultimate celebrity is pimping out their line.  Its just too bad that they didn’t bother to do much with the power that is Britney Spears.  Really – Britney, Bikini and Teddy Bear?  The woman is 28 years old now people.  Not 17.  The days of sweet little virgin Britney the vixen are long over.  She has been a bit of a queen in terms of her crap ass style these days and the Candies campaign starring Miss. Britney have only enhanced that image.  I don’t care how many famous photographers they brought in to shoot her.  It is butt ass tacky and has to be targeting girls under the age of 20.  The whole campaign seems tacky and juvenile to say the least.  A star of Britney’s caliber could do better.  Should do better. They didn’t work this celebrity to the limit to say the least.  This ad campaign is horrid!  I really hate it.  The sheer level of pink hurts my eyes.  You have a beautiful star and these are the artistic choice that you make? WTF?

Get out your sunglasses and take a look at what they did to Britney:

Hates it!

Better than most - I'm not into 'Short Hair Britney Barbie"

Pink Hay. Need I Say More?

More Tacky Pink Hay a la Britney


Life in Plastic, its Fantastic!

Can anyone say TACKY?

I need sunglasses!!!! Pink Overload! It Burns, It BUUURRNNSSSS!!!

The Photoshop Girl and her Photoshop added horse

The best shot of the whole campaign

Kevin Federline Still Hearts Britney Spears.

Well, this video of an interview with Kevin Federline is interesting.  According to Kevin he still loves Britney….and the trauma of the divorce led him to binge eating and drinking copious amount of soda.  The shit show divorce led Britney to far worse!  You broke her Federline!  You destroyed the princess of pop!  You stole her spark – her Britney mojo.  And I think you got all her bras in the divorce.  I wish I felt more sorry for you –  but I don’t. You can lose weight.  She can’t get her spark, dance moves or mental health back (and apparently her fashion sense is out the window too).  The pre-Federline Britney is lost forever.  Go home and have another soda Kevin.

Check out Federline:

Britney Spears: Yup We’ve All Seen the Girls!

Britney, I love you to pieces, I really do.  As always, I urge you to get yourself a stylist and today, well today I beg you to go bra shopping.  BEG!  We have all seen more of your unbridled girls than any of us ever wanted to.  What are the benefits of wearing a bra in public you ask?  Well, to start it helps with the overall look.  No one needs to see visible nip outlines.  It also hold them up where they belong.  You are 28 and have had 2 kids.  The girls look pretty good I must say (I know because  I have seen them in their braless glory too many times), but I promise that a WELL FITTING bra will give you that little extra lift you need!

Love your girls! Get them a bra!

If you know full well that you will be photographed for the world to see – don’t let the girls roam free!

What the Hell Happened to Britney?

Alright, let me start by saying that I am a huge Britney fan.  Huge.  Her music is fun, but more than that I think she has that special something that makes you want to watch her.  At least she used to.  The woman was on fire back in the day!  You just couldn’t take your eyes off her.  She had this passion and drive.  She had spark.  It didn’t matter if you were watching one of her videos, a performance, an interview, a photo session or paparazzi pictures of her at Starbucks.  She seemed to come alive onstage or in front of a camera.  And the dancing – that girl had to have been one of the most amazing dancers ever.  The moves were amazing and her energy, passion and spark were unbeatable.  Britney brought it – every single time.

Exhibit A: Amazing Performance by Britney:

Exhibit B:  One of Britney’s Most Iconic Performances of all Time:

She is nothing short of amazing to watch.  Tight dancing and she is clearly into it!  And then along came Kevin Federline.  I blame him.  He broke Britney.  The guy is clearly a flailing idiot.  He is a greasy nobody who by nothing short of a miracle, Britney Spears fell in love with.  I think that it has to be lonely at the top and she was looking for someone to love her unconditionally.  I get it.  So the guy had it made and managed to screw it all up.  And Britney took a nosedive.  Damn you Federline!

I'm putting it out there! I blame you Federline!

The same spark that made her famous seemed to drive her into a dark place of madness.  She has made a big comeback.  I will give her that.  But she is not the Britney that she used to be.  The fire is gone.  The songs are still catchy and fun, but she just doesn’t have ‘it’ anymore, that special sparkle that you just couldn’t take your eyes off of.  Its like she is going through the motions. The dancing isn’t what it used to be nor is the spark.  What is amazing is the support that she has had in this comeback.  The world wanted her to be back on top.  They wanted Britney back from her meltdown.  Its unprecedented.  But the reality is that the old Britney is no where to be seen.  Its not so easy to find award show performances of our Britney these days, because she doesn’t do them anymore.

Exhibit C:  A Now Ho Hum Britney Performance:

See!!  Its just not there!!  Lots of walking around the stage and a few easy moves and that is it.  I never cared that the girl lip synced.  She was a performer.  There is no way she could pull off those amazing dance numbers and sing.  However without the amazing dance numbers….  If the Circus album had been her first and she served up these sorry performances, she would never have gotten far.

So what the hell?  Where is the Britney that could wow us like crazy?  I am sure that the never-ending Daddy conservator thing, while at first helpful, is taking a toll on her spirit.  Raising two children has likely pulled her focus away from her career and she is no longer willing to put in the necessary hours at the dance studio.  But ultimately, I think she is being drugged for whatever mental disorder is plaguing her.  Hence the dull, lifeless Britney that we see today.

On top of it she regularly looks like hell, has something against bras and appears to be dressing in the dark.  Her taste.  Dear God her taste.  I am amazed that Stacey and Clinton from What Not to Wear haven’t swooped in with a much needed intervention.  Did she fire her stylist?  Can’t her Daddy Conservator force her to get one?  Britney I URGE you to get a stylist!!  ASAP!  You have the cash – just not the taste.

Britney in D &G: Then and Now

OK.  The first see through D&G Dress – awesome.  Sexy, young and has some taste.  The most recent D&G dress – nothing short of a fashion shit show.  Honestly.  All I can say is wow.  And not in a good way.  How could her boyfriend not have mentioned to her that she looked like absolute hell (other than her hair and make-up.  Obviously she still employs people for that).  Its fashion road kill!

I still love Britney in spite of it all, but I am hoping and praying that we get the girl with spirit, spark and fire in her eyes back one fine day.  I want you to bring it Britney – every single time.

Britney Bringing it!